The Art of Communication

Part 19 in a series by Karen A. Stevenson, President, Studio K Salon

When was the last time you said something precious to someone?  Have you close-heartedly walked by opportunities to acknowledge a kindness, a compliment, or something said from the depths of your heart?

Don’t let moments sift through your fingers like sand.  It may be a good exercise to take an inventory of your communication with those close to you and grade yourself on a scale of 1-10 and see what you relay to others through conversation.  Once you have truly analyzed yourself, why not ask the person what their perception is?   

Are you giving cutting remarks to subliminally punish the person?  Do you use manipulative stabs to make a person feel guilt?  Do you maneuver conversation to place blame, cause shame, or give subtle hints that you are not pleased?  Is your conversation intentionally worded in an attempt to get your needs met?  If you can say yes to any of these questions, it may be time to re-think how you communicate. 

Conversation is one of those very sensitive things that can make or break a human heart.  Once spilled out of your mouth, it is very difficult to choke back the words that caused bleeding of someone else’s feelings.  Yet, words can also be the healing balm that blossoms a person’s heart and soul. 

How numb have you become to the cutting remarks of loved ones?  Even if you have become numb, negativity can seep through like oozing poison. Subconsciously you hear the cut.  Before you can cast it off, you still have internalized the negative comment enough to know if you were to cast it out or not.  Processing takes just a few fleeting moments and the message is received.  Hardness comes by having to callous your feelings and keep the walls guarding your otherwise soft heart. 

On the alternative, you have the power to be the one that breaks through the callousness and allow the heart freedom to open.  Building trust to open communication comes from kind comments, sincerity, honesty, sensitivity, rightly worded approaches, and positive purpose.  You can even offer constructive criticism if worded with respect, compassion and integrity.  Tones of voice can be a sensitive issue.  If the tone is not in alignment with the words communicated, it can be taken in a different way than intended.  For instance, if one were to yell “I LOVE YOU!!!” in a very stern voice, it may sound more like a punishment than a blessing.  If you whisper with a smile “get out of the way” the person may not be alarmed that a fire truck is about to knock them out of the street.  Body language also is an important component of communication.  All together, self-awareness is the key to all communication.  How are you presenting the communication, how is it sounding, and what words are being communicated. 

In our heart of hearts, we desire closeness.  We desire relationship, and we desire to blossom.  We need a safe haven in order to have that type of need fulfilled.  When you decide you wish closer communication with someone, how about taking the first step and being the one offering kindness?  Take the lead and offer a compliment.  Remember, the compliment must be sincere, or the person will know you are telling a fib.  Whether you think you are the ultimate word faker or not, the reality is, the person has already figured out if you are real or not with the comments.  Start the sentence with the words “I think” or “I feel” which diffuses any defensiveness.  Sentences starting with the “You” word oftentimes create an immediate shield from a potential accusation or blame.