Sorry, the circuits are busy ...

Part 39 in a series by Karen A. Stevenson, President, Studio K Salon

You walk to your car after a hectic day of work, checking your cell phone.  You find you have six missed calls, and two messages.  After thumbing through the missed calls menu, you then decide to check your voice mail.  You receive the ‘we’re sorry, all our circuits are busy” recording on your cell phone, which infuriates you to no end.  Did your minutes just count to hear that message?  One wonder’s don’t they?  Then you find yourself obsessed with hitting your ‘send’ button with your speakerphone accessory until you hear your voice mail actually clicking through.  That’s right, clicking through, because now you are driving and your cell phone does not have a strong enough signal from the cellular tower, so your voice mail is not going to connect anyway.  After listening to about thirty clicks, you angrily hang up, and dial your voice mail one more time.

At the stoplight, you feel anxious over the anticipation that your phone may actually make it through to your voice mail.  You decide it would be wise to have some scrap paper nearby so you grab the napkin from your drive-up window to-go lunch at the local hamburger joint, and scuffle through your console to find a pen.   Feeling some sort of sick relief that you are prepared to write down information while driving and listening to your cell phone, you look up to see the cars around you are moving, and your lack of attentiveness to the road left you in the dust of other cars that are moving in the now green light. 

As you heatedly gun your accelerator to dart forward you look in your rearview mirror to see the person behind you was also on their cell phone, as well as the drivers to either side.  Some have ear pieces, some have blue tooth wireless, and some are just holding their phone to their ear, as you are, because your radio is too loud and you are simply too stressed, and too lazy to turn your radio down while listening to your voicemail.

You’re brain then drifts off for a moment as you realize as always, your phone is in your left ear, and that is the ear you always listen to your cell phone, speaker phone on or not.  For a brief moment, you wonder if there is any truth to the thought of the airwaves causing brain damage, or is the phone just getting hot?  Does that mean something when the phone gets hot?  Is it because you’re stress has caused the palm of your hand to heat to 107 degrees, or is the phone that exhausted from attempting to reach a tower and working overtime?

Now comes the tricky part.  The voice mail recording is asking you to type in your pass code.  Of course, your pass code has to be more than four numbers, and you must take your eyes off the road in order to see your keypad in order to type in your pass code for you to hear your messages.  That is not enough, however.  You must then type in #1 if you wish to hear your voice mail, #2 if you wish to hear your saved messages, #3 if you would like to go to personal options, #4 if you would like to have her repeat the options over again, and of course, #5 if you wish to speak to a customer service representative.

Is it any wonder why we don’t have more accidents than we already have?

Once you feel the relief of having pushed the right numbers, pressed the right options, and are able to hear your voice mail, you have to listen to the person’s message they’ve left on your cellular device, “Hey it’s me, and I just wanted to tell you I am going to be at Ted’s house and I am going to eat diner over there so if you don’t want me to, that’s okay you can call his house at the number on your phone because I know it’s on your caller ID right now because I called from their number, or else you can text me and tell me it’s not alright, but my phone is about to die and I need to get off, bye!”

Good thing you had your pen in your hand, ready to write down any message of importance!  You once again glance to the new person driving next to you, and their body language definitely tells you that they are having a heated discussion on their hands-free phone in their own car.   What did we do before cell phones anyway?

Okay, time to hear your second message.  Pen in hand, you feel some sort of warped sense of accomplishment, because you are maximizing your time, and multi-tasking with efficiency as you are driving with nothing better to do, and your phone drops its signal.

Isn’t life grand?  At least you are now credited one WHOLE minute for each dropped phone call, so that should justify your tense shoulders, heated blood pressure, and your anxiety that you’ve accomplished nothing for all your so-called competence in mastering cellular devices. 

By the time you are done hearing your messages, traffic jams and all, you are in the comfort of your own neighborhood.  Sadly, your neighborhood somehow does not have a strong signal, but that’s okay.  You are finally home.  Time to re-charge, and get ready for another day.